Chapters of Life

You were born with potential

You were born with goodness and trust

You were born with ideals and dreams

You were born with greatness

You were born with wings

You are not meant for crawling, so don't

You have wings

Learn to use them and fly

                                                                     - Rumi

The goodbyes to friends were tough. The parting from my sister was heart-breaking. We had been through so much sadness together since Mom had passed away. The crushing grief filled our every wakening moment. Waves of  disbelief engulfed us. They still do. Days were heavy. And so very long. The hours were infused with memories and sudden tears. They still are. Karen and I had supported each other through those brutal emotions that tend to rip one’s heart open. Together we shared the experience of losing our anchor in life. We learnt that one is never ready to lose a mother. No matter one’s age.

As we move through each chapter of life, a time for reflection emerges. Guiding me through each thread of the rich weave that was the past three years, my thoughts meander through the intricate medley of emotions. Those that form the fabric of my experiences. I let them. I cry. I laugh. A deep sense of gratitude engulfs me. I thank the Universe. For it led me to be in the right place at the right time. With those I love so deeply.

When squeezing flattened boxes of Rooibos teabags into the corners of my luggage, I am reminded of just how much my family and friends have experienced in the past few years. There are those memories painful and disappointing. The greater part of time spent in South Africa was a collage of happiness, togetherness, support and triumph. Together, these memories are the gifts I take along on my next journey.

Most importantly, I pack in the knowledge that I have no regrets. I know I did my best at the time. Could I have given more? Those thoughts haunt me and probably will for a long time to come. I feel that these doubts form the next platform from which to learn. I am not a hostage of my past. I learnt my lessons. I treated people with kindness. I cared deeply. Grasping the depth and value of unconditional love was probably the most important gift to take along with me.

With the closing of this chapter, I am now better equipped with the right skills with which to live my best life. I have a deeper insight as to how it all works. My ability to show empathy and understanding towards others has strengthened. To walk in their steps can be painful at times, yet there is no better teacher. Fundamentally our needs are the same. To be happy. To possess strength on every level. To be healthy. And above all to love. To be loved.

And so I board the flight to Cambodia. My new home. I have consciously chosen to live in a place where ancient temples and kind people are in abundance. Where serenity, safety and compassion for others, combine to create the fabric of society. There too exists in abundance , the ghosts of genocide, tropical diseases, bad sewage systems, brutal heat and relentless rains, mosquitoes and snakes.  Once again I will rely on my higher self and those wonderful skills I packed into my luggage to make this adventure work. I have moved out of my comfort zone and into an uncertain future. Perhaps I shall become accustomed to the heat and the creatures. In order to grow and develop myself, it’s a small price to pay. For now, I’m not convinced though …

Where I lay my hat, shall be my home. This statement has never been more significant than during the past three years . I moved from six months of lockdown in Cambodia back home to South Africa. Within my home country, I shared time with my loved ones in Fishhoek, Tokai and of course my beloved hometown, Hermanus. My hat went with me. I was always comfortable, safe and loved. As I look ahead not truly knowing what the future holds, I remind myself …

I am

I can

I will

Thank you Debbie - for so beautifully capturing that precious moment as Gran bid farewell to another day.